Blog 2. Where to begin today? I feel there are heaps of places to start and I feel like most of the beginnings could make somewhat sense, but I grapple with a suitable starting point to properly connect all the dots together to make you (and also myself!) understand… I feel like I am a few inches short of being able to grab a passing dandelion that is floating past in the breeze. (The dandelion is my thoughts – and I am too much of a small ball to reach – in case that was confusing? Yeah I like this beginning…)
My beginning shall be a non-linear interjection of today’s events as they seem to encapsulate my time so far with my good ol’ buddy – anxiety. I shall name it anxy (no capital letter) as I think it does not deserve such attention (however maybe an invite to your cousin’s wedding as your PLUS 1 because no doubt they gonna be a-coming. And dress inappropriately).
Important point about me – I’m a few months away from graduating nursing school. Yep. By next year I am going to be a qualified, fully-functioning nurse responsible for looking after people’s lives, making sure they are cared for properly and making sure they are comfy. Wow what a responsibility! Wow so exciting to care for people, right? I’ve always known I am a caring person and nursing seems like a suitable career to pursue (and I do look exceptionally cute in a nurse outfit :D) but since being introduced to my annoying-friend-who-only-leaves-when-it’s-their-turn-to-buy-a-round-of-drinks *anxy*… I question if I am able to properly nurse somebody. Wow I felt my tummy drop as I typed that. It’s hard to admit what scares us the most. It seems easier to pack an overnight bag (and spare undies) and just run away.
Run where though? Last time I checked it’s pretty hard to run away from your own mind (seeing as how its relaxing in a cosy bath inside your head – no doubt sipping on some expensive Merlot that you had been saving for a special occasion), so guess what? I’m staying. I’d like to say I can hear a crowd applaud, but I know you reading this know that is the only option anyway *slow clap myself anyway for effect*.
Class felt like I was sitting in an old theatre today, and centrestage was anxy – not particularly interesting to watch AND taking up way too much time (much like many contestants on talent shows), and they would just not leave. Class subject today – ANXIETY. Would you believe it? My heart was pounding and I felt woozy like I was going to collapse. I threw banana peels, rubbish (and even a shoe) at the stage but it was not leaving. I have looked at so many articles and information about anxiety, but today was different. How can I care for someone with anxiety while I am dealing with it too?? I felt like I was up on the stage with anxy and everyone was looking at me and snapchatting my picture in a ‘dog wearing glasses’ filter… why do I feel like I am in the spotlight too and that people are going to judge me? A soon-to-be nurse with anxiety (albeit a particularly cute-looking one in their scrubs. Side note: own a pink stethoscope. REPEAT a pink stethoscope. Get the picture?).
But the reality is that to shun anxy away behind the curtain is to simply breathe. Not in a bad-breath-type-way that makes it want to get a mint for you, but in a ‘I’VE GOT THIS. JUST BREATHE. THIS WILL PASS’ type way. There is nothing wrong with us. We need to reassure ourselves that EVERYBODY has anxiety at some point in their lives and that this is a common problem that people deal with everyday.
Imagine your dog’s 5th birthday party (yep I said dog… What? My pooch looks fab in his party hat > pic coming soon) and you invited 5 of your friends (or 5 of your furbaby’s doggie friends and they each brought 1 owner) … there is a good chance that 1 of those people have experienced an anxiety disorder this year (in this case it would be me! Wow I should consider detective work I think?). That’s alot of people going through what you are feeling right now. What I am feeling right now. We can do this. WE CAN DO THIS.